Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Crazy as i can be to actually think that if you say you're sorry, i will forgive you. No matter how bad you are or how much this heart crushes bcause of you, i'll still forgive you. Yes, ive gone this mad.
Angels♥
10:21
Sunday, 28 August 2011
" i think i like you"
The ever last msg that i receive from him from my phone that make me smile. Now that phrase seems to make me cry evrytyme i recall it. Tho its a short phrase but do u have any idea how much it mean to me? I guess you dont ryte? That is why we ended up like this with no goodbye whatsoever. Trully, i miss you & i hate myself for it.
Angels♥
09:05
Friday, 26 August 2011
Errgh! Im hating myself now. Why this always happen?? Boyy, will u pls just get e hell outta my head! I want to love my bf lahhh. How can i do that if you keep running on my mind?? Somehow your face, e way u look at me,your smile, your voice, your touch pops up at e tyme when its not supposed to. Im very much afraid to ever bump into you cause i really dont know how i will react. Im sucha loser. Sucha mean girl to actually say all this when im holding on to his heart. What the hell really is wrong with me. Was it because our story is left hanging w/out a proper gdbye, that is why i cant properly let you off my heart? No! It cant be. I cant be feeling this way. Gosshh! Idk. Idk. Really. Why you are e only one i cant really forget after all this years, aft what you have done, aft i know e true you? A terrible beiing i am. Im totally dissapointed with no one else other than myself.
Angels♥
06:55
Thursday, 25 August 2011
So many things that i want to tell you. So many unpleasant things that i want to let it out to you. But i just cant. I dont know why. Whenever i prepare myself to open up about what's happening, i start to hesitate and soon it change to another topic. It seems to stuck on my throat. I should share it with you as you are my boy, but its hard. Maybe im used to not sharing my problems to anyone just to feel at ease. I keep thinking what if after i share it with you, will you understand? Will you believe me? Or will you assure me that its goin to be ok? I know i shouldnt have doubt all of this but i cant help it. This personal matter are so personal and important that maybe it is still too early to tell you. For now, ill just keep it to myself. & when the tyme come when we understand each other a lil more then maybe ill consider sharing it with you. as to who else would i come to lean on and cry other then my boy.
Angels♥
09:23
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Many shits happen. Who to blame? I dont know myself. What choice do we have other than enduring. If you wish to kill, why nt just push us off e building or something. Why kill us slowly? I rather end it fast then watch him&her suffer. She cry because she's in pain. Not just outside but inside too. Her soul her patience her mentally, all that are in pain. Of course she will cry. Along with her tears, my tears fall as well. Because mother&father, i feel you.
Angels♥
22:40
Less than a min talk is nvr enough but oh well, atleast ive heard ur voice. Haiiyaaa
Angels♥
07:32
Saturday, 20 August 2011
& today i had e best of tyme with Muhd Taufik(:
Angels♥
08:24
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
I know that currently im in a very wrong position to actually think about my 1st love when im with you. As im still a normal being, i cant help doing mistake lyke this. But this tyme i promise myself to commit in love after so long waiting endlessly for e impossible. Because i know how it feels to be on a one sided love. B, slowly as you get to know me, you will see that im just a simple girl with a very simple lyfe but wht you dont know is that, this girl whom you love had soo many dark past, scary past, deep unhealing scar and collection of tears & a very sad love story b4. As much as i want to tell you everything about myself, i cant. As i dont want to remind myself how worthless i am as a girl in ur eye. I hope that you will nvr ask me anything about how i used to live my lyfe. & even if1 day somehow you get to know about all my dark secret, i hope & really hope that you will continue to love me. I will promise you that i will try my very best to not dwell on my past. As long as you promise me to make my present & future much more meaningful so i wont hve any reason to think about e past any longer. Ive suffer enough with all their hatred throwing at me like im a dart board. I wish to open e door of my happiness, take my chances & loving you endlessly. For all i want from e past that have not change was only that.
Angels♥
10:01
& so Happy Birthday. To actually wish you in here rather than on your wall or thru text, somehow disturb me. But still Happy Birthday, may you found your real one & nvr ever breaks any girl's heart again(:
Angels♥
09:40
What dissapoint me is that you act lyke theres nothing wrong, like you nvr break anyone's heart but the matter of fact is you did. How strong your presence are in my lyfe i did realise it now. Even with having my heart taken care by 1 kind soul that i promise to love, theres still bit n pieces of my heart left in you. I love my bf, i really do but deep inside my stupid mind, i cant seem to forget you. Why? As confuse as i am, im battling hard to get rid of you frm my mind and completely love that guy whom i tied my promise with. So will you, get out of my way. Please?
Angels♥
04:54
Sunday, 14 August 2011
Today i intended to refresh all e past memories we had together. & indeed all of us had done that. & whats worse for me is along with e good old tyme comes with e old wound bck again. Just lyke b4 you treated me, the disgust look you gave. The unwanted word you describe me. Do you have to make me feel like theres nothing left of me? Would it make you feel better to watch me while i bleed. The sad thing is that, you, the both of you are some1 that i really care about. To be treated & said something like that by you guys all over again nvr failed to make me feel lyke im e worse ever. Can you or have you for once consider how i will feel? Is it that hard? It was just that nyte you guys make me happy & now, why make me cry all over again? I cant hate you because you ppl are soo important in my life. What choice do i have? The old wound that is slowly healing, why cut it open bck? The sudden change is confusing me & im not that smart to see e reason why. Im really tired, really i am to live that kinda life again. Must it be until i beg & breakdown infront of you telling that i have feelings too then will you understand. what is it must i do to just tell all of you that i hate e kinda life im in with you ppl tearing me apart, crushing my pride & throwing my confidence away. I dont even know now what the hell i am. Who is the real me cause everytime this happen, the real me are always overshadowed by a girl who know nothing than pretending. & for how long it will keep on going, i seriously dont have the answer for that. Below is a post that ive written on e 1st april 2011 over the same situation :
Remember the tyme when we used to walk together with our arm linked. Thinking that every move we make will be us together. Never have i felt any more fortunate than having you people by my side. Never have i been afraid to be myself as i know you accept me for who i am. The tyme we spent with e rest are precious & i thank god everyday for blessing me with a group of ppl that i can't live w/out. You guys were my strength when i thot things are not good. I lean on you ppl as my pillar when sometymes im tired of e worst. When i feel lyke crying you bring back my laughter and my smile. Never once in my day with you guys end w/out laughing. I tell others that i dont need anything else. That i have no other concern because ive already have you guys. But wait. Was it all this while just me? Am i the only one that think too much of it. Were you not have the same thinking as me? Then where are all the tyme when you said we will always be together? Other ppl started it but why you have to continue it? When they gave me hard tyme im fyne with that cause i know i still have you to depend on. But when its you that pushed me where can i go. what will i say to the others that i keep boasting about how great you are. Why make me someone that im not when im with you ppl now? Why make me meet with my downfall when im trying to survive? Are what they say not enough that you have to add in? We start the race of our life together with our hands tightly holding to one another. But in e middle of the race you increase your pace. You know im not good at it. You know im not that strong. Yet you make me trying to catch up with you. Once i hope that you will turn ard & see the gap that you make between us. Turn back and see who you have left behind. See who is trying to catch up with you. I have no choice cause ive wriitten only you ppl name on my past presence and future. So all i have to do is to make sure that i can keep up the pace. & when at tymes ive catch up. Not once have you asked. is it hard? Just a simple appreciation for the sweat of catcthing up with you guys. Instead you run with others leaving me yet again. Have you not seen the bruise that i had when running towards you. Have you not seen the tears i ve cried ? Or you have seen but cant be bother. If only you have seen will you still leave me. We used to be soo closed tho we are far apart but now even when you are just beside me we seem to be soo far apart. Are we soo closed that you dont realise how much you have hurt me with ur words? That you dont give a damn about how i feel. why? god damn it, why? why do i have to hide my self when im with my friend that i know for as long as i live. Why do i have to see myself getting embarass. Its really hard. really it is. I cant seem to catch up with you guys anymore. Slowly im stopping. luckily i have my other 2 who stood with me thruout everything. Not once have i hate you. Neither do i want to. because it hurts soo much to think about all the stuff we used to do during the tyme when nothing else matters but us. Never have i imagined that i will lose in this race. When you have reach where you are heading, this tyme dont ever look back cause it will give me hope that you are still searching for me. I dont want to start running just to be dissapointed again. I will stop here. i will create another track for me to run so i wont be behind you again. Try once being in my spot and tell me if im wrong.
Angels♥
09:59
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
Have you ever suddenly look bck on your scary past for once? I have, many time indeed. Those ppl that make my life miserable, they seems to be happy all e tyme. Satisfied in bringing me down. I always wonder, why? Just what have i ever done wrong. Being treated that way when you dont even know why is really fustrating. I rmbr shedding tons & tons of tears almost everyday because its really unfair. As they like, they push me to their feet. As they like, they throw me in their silly evilness. But they have no idea how i pass thru my everyday life with watever they do. Tho ive come this far but still whenever i see those scar that were made by them, i cant stop feeling how unfair life has been to me. The feeling of pain, fear, anger, unfairness & worried all e tyme. Nvr a day will it go normally lyke any other student. But maybe, just maybe i am strong enough or just pretend to be strong to withstand all that and made it to this very day. All i want to know till now was just the simple 'why'. Why trigger on my life when you have yours, why push away my happiness when you hve ur own happiness. & why me, when im just a girl, like you.
Angels♥
12:51
Monday, 8 August 2011
Let's try and walk the journey of our life together. Since my heart is wirhin ur care, ill trust you will nvr break it. This is e beginning with all e sweet for nothing moment. I know the tyme will come when we cant stand each other but i hope & wish that no matter what we can pull it together. Our feeling are still new & it will take tyme for it to be really deep. Slowly but surely. Because i dont want to pin soo much hope rite frm e beginning. But rest assure, as long as im with you, ill try and be a good gf(:
Angels♥
20:24
Monday, 1 August 2011
With ur touch, i feel so alive. My heart beat so fast & my adrenaline's awaken. Cause boy, you manage to open up this heart that has been deactivated long before. & i wish to write a fantasy with you as the main lead(:
Angels♥
08:52
