Saturday, 22 October 2011
Im bck to that spot again. This hurt much more then before. As b4 i didnt try & now after trying and crushing my own pride, it hurts alot more. Its stupid really, i am. Im really tired. For so long ive tried, waiting is so hard. Hard as it can be. Staring again at ur picture with her. Im crying again. My tears cant stop. It hurts. Soo much. Yes, you are now in good hands. As i told her b4, if you are bck with her, im happy. I am happy. But i cant smile anymore. Ppl say if you try hard, they will see your effort. Now, i cant see the truth in that phrase anymore. Neither can i see the truth in this great thing that ppl say called love. She love you. You love her. Why must i think of hving fairytale with you? Its reality. Im in it, she's in it & so are you. Reality state tht you're with her & im nt. Can i nt stay in this reality? I guess not. So that tyme when im in your arm, it was just a fantasy. Like a passing wind. It was. Just was. As the word is past tense it can nvr change to present tense. My feelings hve past tense and present tense & unbelieably continuation to it. I have loved you. I love you. I will love you. & maybe keep loving you. & thats just me frm my part. No one knows. If love is this hard. If waiting is this hard. If watching u & her is this hard. If this is the reality. I dont want it anymore. I dont want to be in this reality. I dont want.The truth is you nvr done any wrong towards me. I was the one who is climbing my way up to a painful downfall myself. May you be happy with her. Let me find my heart 1st then i can say frm the bottom of my heart as i dont know where you left it.
Angels♥
10:30
Yes i will regret. I will regret starting anything with you w/out thinking. They must have said, im such an whore. Just go ahead & tell em how i break ur heart. Make me into 1 heartless women in urs and their eyes. I hope it happen. The slowly turning into numbness, this heart of myne. I hope i cant feel anything. You let go too easily lyke as if youve been waiting for it. Hope? What deep hope did i give to you. I was the one hoping for you to be e only one that i can love. I was hoping tht you could fill this empty part with e love that you said are great. I heard it, but i cant feel it. But since im e one who cut this tie, ofcourse fingers will be point at me. With my heart still with him, i was expecting you to take it frm him. Recall wht you did, where's the care? I only rmbr words. You shudnt hve given me a chance to waver. This just sounded like an excuse. So basically, im at fault. After all, this happen way too many tyme. Blame on my shameless heart. But i'll tell you one thing, during us tgther.. I hve sincerely try loving you with all my heart. Just that, his presence b4 in my life was way too big that even with you presently infront of me cant even fill in his shadow that is lingering in my soul. I'm sorry. I have loved deeply b4 i met you. & maybe, just maybe if i met you b4 him, we would hve been e happiest couple now. After this, you may find ur happiness way b4 myne. You may even be more happy then when you are with me. I know in tyme you will totally forget all about me. Like as if 'us' nvr exist. & by then i'll keep holding on to this guilt.
Angels♥
12:00
Congrats my awesome brother. You finally found ur happiness. Suddenly e memories of us being friends for 3 yrs plus knock onto my head. There's a lil sad feeling in me but only because im happy that u alredy manage to get ur other half. This make me realise that i hvnt done enough for you whereas u hve done soo many things for me. So i hope she can give you wat u deserve. Im sure that she is lucky to hve u as her one & only bcause u are indeed the most amazing guy ive known. Last long. We might not get to meet up and behave like how we used to but that wont matter as u hve ur own responsibility to carry now. I wish you a happy rltship with her from the bottom of my heart. Im haapy for you, sean(:
Angels♥
12:36
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Over, btwn you & me. Ive heard this before. " as i only hve 1 heart & ive given it to him, there's none left for anyone else" i guess its true ryte. Since ive given my heart to him, there's none left for you. I'm sorry, for starting all of this w/out feeling sure & in e end, ive hurt you instead.
Angels♥
08:16
Even after that you shud have know me well enough. I cant be alone & yet u left me all alone in here. Thanx uhk ehk. The one that know me the most somehow dissapoint me. & knowing that i hve nobody to actually let out too add on to this frustration. Oh well how great can this be ryte. Heh
Angels♥
10:19
Ive thot about reseting evrything or editing evrything that went wrong. But looking bck, even if it can be done, i still wont trigger the moment when i met you and the moment my heart starts to beat for you. As it was one of the happiest moment that ever happen in my miserable life. This thing called love is seriously confusing. I gave up handling my own heart. I will wait for e answer to my fate. I will not hurt anyone else after this and mostly i wont hurt myself any longer. You bring me into a dream beautiful as fantasy and left me waking up to reality worse as nightmare. All those make me realise that my reality doesnt have you in it. Let's meet again someday, not in any dream but this time in your reality.
Angels♥
14:58
